Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

The holidays are almost over. Where did the time go?

We had a really nice Christmas. My sister, Kim, was in from NYC for 9 days and we got to spend a lot of time together. Actually, it was the most time we've spent together in years. It was awesome. The Saturday before Christmas, we did the Washburn Family Tradition of doing our shopping. It wasn't as busy and hectic as we expected and we all got the shopping done that day. We spent a few days wrapping and decking the halls, so to speak. Not only were we hosting Christmas Eve at my parents house, we were throwing my cousin a family baby shower. Her little boy will be here by January 15th (her scheduled C-section, but she's already contracting so she'll probably have him earlier).

The shower was a success! They got just about everything else (the big stuff) that they needed. Christmas Eve was really fun. I made a Candy Cane martini which was really yummy. Strong, but delicious! After the family left, we had our Christmas and opened presents. There were so many gifts, and everyone pretty much got more than what they wanted. Among my "favorites" are my jewelry armoire, Trivial Pursuit, books, and DVDs. I now have more books than I know what to do with...I will be reading all year!

Since then, we've just been hanging out. My sister and I saw "Enchanted" while Alex saw "I Am Legend" and then we met up with our cousins at the Mills. We had a good time with them. By the way, "Enchanted" was way better than I expected! Kim flew back to NYC on the 29th and we were all sad to see her go.

So now it's New Year's Eve and we're resting up to have energy for tonight. We're planning to go out to dinner, then head to Ozzie's @ Westport to see my friend's band (Colonel Angus), and then home for drinks and games with the folks. Good times!

Alex & I wish everyone a safe and happy 2008!

New Cycle

73 days. That's how long my last cycle was. Blech. I never thought I'd be this happy to start my period, but 73 days is a flipping long time! I kind of thought that either 1) my body had forgotten how to have a period, or 2) I was going through menopause. Well, I did have night-sweats so I think it's perfectly logical to think I was entering menopause. But, yippee, here I am! It was finally time to break out the maxi pads and tampons I bought 3 months ago. Man, if this keeps up, think of all the money I'll save not having to buy them every month.

I really thought I was pregnant. Our BD-timing ("baby dancing"... a tactful and somewhat barf-inducing way of saying we got it on) was optimal, I had 3 days of really fertile fluid (TMI, I know), and I had all these "symptoms". Most of all, my temps were doing things they'd never done before. My chart was looking too good. And it really didn't look like my period was going to show.

Maybe that's why I had such a calm TWW ("two week wait"--the time between when you ovulate to when you either get your period of find out you're pregnant)...I was pretty darn convinced I was pregnant. Despite all the good "signs" that I could be pregnant, I wasn't really obsessing about them. I just felt at peace with everything. If I was pregnant, awesome. If not, at least the excruciatingly long cycle would be over and I could look forward to trying new things to make my cycle shorter.

So, at least my excruciatingly long cycle is over and I'm looking forward to trying new things to make my cycle shorter. And now I can drink over the holidays!!! Hey, I'm trying to be positive.

I am trying to roll with my calmness and would like it to carry through this cycle. Not just because everyone says if you just relax, you'll get pregnant. God, I hate when people say that! I'm trying to calm down because I'm driving myself (and possibly Alex) crazy. I don't like obsessing about every little symptom and temperature fluctuation. Life right now is stressful enough without making myself feel like I'm less of a woman because I can't get pregnant. And who knows? Maybe I might "relax" and get pregnant.

For now, I'm focusing on other things. Like finding a job. And the holidays. Oh, and my sister comes in from New York on Thursday! We haven't seen each other since August. I can't wait!

As I lay in bed with a heating pad to cut the cramps, I remind myself that I got exactly what I wanted...my long cycle is finally over.

Coming Clean...

Alex and I are trying to get pregnant. We have been since June. Apparently we're not that good at it. It's not going well.

I have a dumb body. I'm not kidding. Name a weird disease and I've probably had it. Remember Rheumatic Fever, the disease that "died out" long ago? Well I had one of the last cases when I was 8. (I do hear that it might be making a comeback now though.) It caused me to get a heart condition. My Senior year at Truman I had the state of Missouri's first confirmed case of the Influenza that subsequently became an epidemic at my school. Haven't had SARS or the Bird Flu yet, but give me time.

When I was 15 I started getting cysts on my ovaries (and they would rupture), so they put me on the pill. I never had regular cycles, even on the pill. I'd get one for almost a whole month and then go 2 months without getting a period. Whatever. It was annoying but it my my life.

A few years ago I started having periods of weight loss followed by weight gains. Anyone who knows me well is aware that I've struggled with Anorexia since I was 12. I've been in recovery since 2001. The weight fluctuations I was experiencing starting in college were NOT related to my eating disorders. I consulted a doctor and I was diagnosed with PCOS--Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome. It basically causes all the things that have been wrong with me, and makes it difficult to get pregnant. I never really worried about it, until I decided to try to get pregnant.

I read an amazing book, Taking Charge of Your Fertility, that talks about women's cycles and how to be more in tune with your body. I started using the Fertility Awareness Method (relying on your body's waking temperature and other stuff to figure out when you're most fertile and when you ovulate) and charting. It's been a blessing and a curse. It's comforting to know what your body is doing every day, but it's frustrating at the same time.

In June, I took the few charts I had to my doctor for some guidance. She thought I'd had a missed miscarriage in May. It was kind of a blow to me, because had I not been charting I'd never suspected anything other than a late period was going on. But the silver lining was that I could GET pregnant, I just had to figure out how to STAY pregnant. My doctor also warned me that she basically would not "help" me (by giving me drugs or anything else to get pregnant) until I'd been trying for at least a year. So Alex & I started trying up a storm!

September rolled around and low & behold, I got a BFP (big fat positive) on a HPT (home pregnancy test)!!! I had been testing the whole week and got the BFP on the 7th, Friday morning. I didn't tell Alex because he had told me if I got pregnant he'd want me to surprise him, so I was trying to come up with a cute way to share the news. Saturday morning, before I could tell him, I started bleeding. Heavy. And I bled for days. I miscarried at 5 weeks and 3 days. I was devastated. I still am, to a degree.

What charting has taught me:

• I do ovulate (an occasional cycle without ovulating is normal)
• I [usually] have a clear temperature shift to show that I ovulated
• I have really long cycles
• I have a good luteal phase (the time after you ovulate until you get your next period; you need at least 10 days to implant and get pregnant)
• I can get pregnant

So that's more or less where we are and where we've been. I have good days and I have extremely bad days. Today is a good (mostly) day. Now that I finally wrote about what I've been meaning to and have been putting off since I created this blog, I will talk more about this journey.

If you made it through, thank you for listening.

Catching Up

Yes, it's been a long time. When I created this blog I had the suspicion that it would become one of the things I start and never finish. Now I'm determined not to let that happen. In an attempt to rectify my laziness, here is a *brief* update of what I've been up to.

Alex's 32nd birthday was November 16th. Since we're both between jobs right now, we didn't do anything big. We went to the Galleria and had lunch at The Cheesecake Factory. That evening, we went to Harrah's with my parents. I won and he lost...it was totally opposite of the outcome we usually get when we gamble (which is hardly ever). Overall, I think he had a good birthday.

Last Wednesday we headed up to Michigan to spend Thanksgiving with my in-laws. It was a horrible drive up. It took about 9 hours because of constant rain, traffic in Indiana (my least favorite state), and fog in the dark the last 2 hours of the trip. The visit itself was nice. We hadn't seen his parents since September. The weather was cold--saw my first snow of the season, even though it didn't stick. Thanksgiving was awesome! My mother in-law is an amazing cook, and they had some family & friends over. As usual, it was a night of good food, lots of drinking & dancing! Alex & I went shopping on Black Friday, but we went around noon. We didn't get any Christmas presents, but we found some good deals for us! We got back to St. Louis on Sunday. Next time we go to Michigan will be for New Year's.


We're still looking for jobs. No interviews lately, but I have to believe it's because of the holidays. We remain hopeful that we'll find something soon.

Other than that, we're just getting ready for the holidays. I'm working on my Christmas cards, and this weekend we'll finish decorating the house and maybe start baking. I love this time of year!

I promise to be better at this. I promise to be better at this. I promise to be better at this. There, that's my daily affirmation for today!

I've been tagged

Thanks, Trish! I guess this is your subtle (?) hint that I need to get back to blogging. I get it, and I agree.

8 Random Things About Jenn:

1. I can't roll my tongue. I mean, I can't make the rolling "r" sounds in Spanish. And I speak Spanish. Oddly, I can fold my tongue up like a taco. I have a flexible tongue but I can't make it do anything really useful, except, well...never mind.

2. I'm a SNL freak, classic & new! Just about every conversation reminds me of a SNL sketch. Sometimes I share them with people and they look at me like I'm lame. Maybe I am. But damn, it's so funny!

3. I have moved over 10 times in my semi-adult life. I guess I didn't want to be tied down. Now I'm dying to buy a house and settle down, but I'm afraid I'd get the itch to move again.

4. From the time I was 12 up until about 4 years ago (yay!), I've had anorexia. Now I weigh more than I ever have and I sometimes wish I had the discipline to starve myself. I know that's terrible, but it's true.

5. I've never had Novocaine for any of my cavities. It started when I was little, and now I'm so used to the pain I don't need it.

6. I'm a reality-tv junkie! I watch all those horrible shows like Rock of Love, The Bachelor, America's Next Top Model, etc. Most of the time I know how terrible they are, but I watch anyway. I can't help it--they're entertaining.

7. I'm deathly afraid of elevators, tornadoes, and flying. From time to time, I will ride in an elevator or fly in a plane. I have to be heavily sedated on a plane. I usually just have mini-panic attacks in the elevator. I've never been in a bonafide tornado, but when there are warnings I cry uncontrollably until I pass out.

8. I would love to go back to school. Not for anything in particular, I just LOVE being a student. I could do it forever if only I got paid to do it.

That was a lot harder than it looks.

Our 1st Wedding Anniversary!

Last Sunday Alex & I celebrated our first wedding anniversary. I can't believe it's been a year already! It's so weird, sometimes it feels we've been married forever and other times it feels like it was just a month ago.

My mom has been in and out of the hospital with a kidney stone that won't go away (she's going in for her 3rd (!!!) surgery to try to remove it this week), so we didn't go shopping for anniversary presents until the day before. Yes, we went shopping Labor Day weekend. It was insane. I won't even get into the horrible experience I had in the parking lot, but trust me it was hell.

I came home from shopping to find my gift, Part I: a recreation of my wedding bouquet! It was gorgeous and such a nice surprise. I have informed Alex that if he bought me one every year for our anniversary I wouldn't be disappointed!




My parents booked us a room at the Doubletree Hotel in Chesterfield (the hotel we had our reception) for Sunday night, so after breakfast on Sunday we headed out to Chesterfield. We bummed around Chesterfield Crossing until it was time to check in.

It was so nice--we had the room right next to the room we stayed in a year ago. After dinner, we cut into a recreation of the top layer of our wedding cake (so yummy--white with strawberry filling) and had champagne (the bottle we received from the hotel staff on our wedding night). We exchanged presents and had a very, very, romantic evening. It was perfect!

Breaking ground...

I have given in to peer-pressure...I created a blog.

To be honest, I've wanted to start one for some time, but never really felt strongly enough to go through with it. Would people really care enough about what I had to say to read it? Probably not. Then I came to the realization that I'm not doing this for anyone else, I'm doing it for myself. I can consider it "therapy." Hey, it's free!

I'm going through a lot of changes in my life at the moment. I married my best friend 11.11.06. A few months later, we moved from Michigan to Kansas City, Missouri for a temporary job. While in KC, we decided to start trying to have a baby ("TTC" to those in the know!). Our temporary project ended in September, our lease expired in October, and now we're living (temporarily) with my parents in St. Louis. So that's where I am in my life.

This blog will chronicle my journey...my troubles with TTC, my job search, being a semi-newlywed, and whatever else pops up. It won't always be pretty or cheery, but it will be honest. Let the therapy begin!