I have a dumb body. I'm not kidding. Name a weird disease and I've probably had it. Remember Rheumatic Fever, the disease that "died out" long ago? Well I had one of the last cases when I was 8. (I do hear that it might be making a comeback now though.) It caused me to get a heart condition. My Senior year at Truman I had the state of Missouri's first confirmed case of the Influenza that subsequently became an epidemic at my school. Haven't had SARS or the Bird Flu yet, but give me time.
When I was 15 I started getting cysts on my ovaries (and they would rupture), so they put me on the pill. I never had regular cycles, even on the pill. I'd get one for almost a whole month and then go 2 months without getting a period. Whatever. It was annoying but it my my life.
A few years ago I started having periods of weight loss followed by weight gains. Anyone who knows me well is aware that I've struggled with Anorexia since I was 12. I've been in recovery since 2001. The weight fluctuations I was experiencing starting in college were NOT related to my eating disorders. I consulted a doctor and I was diagnosed with PCOS--Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome. It basically causes all the things that have been wrong with me, and makes it difficult to get pregnant. I never really worried about it, until I decided to try to get pregnant.
I read an amazing book, Taking Charge of Your Fertility, that talks about women's cycles and how to be more in tune with your body. I started using the Fertility Awareness Method (relying on your body's waking temperature and other stuff to figure out when you're most fertile and when you ovulate) and charting. It's been a blessing and a curse. It's comforting to know what your body is doing every day, but it's frustrating at the same time.
In June, I took the few charts I had to my doctor for some guidance. She thought I'd had a missed miscarriage in May. It was kind of a blow to me, because had I not been charting I'd never suspected anything other than a late period was going on. But the silver lining was that I could GET pregnant, I just had to figure out how to STAY pregnant. My doctor also warned me that she basically would not "help" me (by giving me drugs or anything else to get pregnant) until I'd been trying for at least a year. So Alex & I started trying up a storm!
September rolled around and low & behold, I got a BFP (big fat positive) on a HPT (home pregnancy test)!!! I had been testing the whole week and got the BFP on the 7th, Friday morning. I didn't tell Alex because he had told me if I got pregnant he'd want me to surprise him, so I was trying to come up with a cute way to share the news. Saturday morning, before I could tell him, I started bleeding. Heavy. And I bled for days. I miscarried at 5 weeks and 3 days. I was devastated. I still am, to a degree.
What charting has taught me:
- I do ovulate (an occasional cycle without ovulating is normal)
- I [usually] have a clear temperature shift to show that I ovulated
- I have really long cycles
- I have a good luteal phase (the time after you ovulate until you get your next period; you need at least 10 days to implant and get pregnant)
- I can get pregnant
So that's more or less where we are and where we've been. I have good days and I have extremely bad days. Today is a good (mostly) day. Now that I finally wrote about what I've been meaning to and have been putting off since I created this blog, I will talk more about this journey.
If you made it through, thank you for listening.
2 comments:
Good to know you're a freak. ;)
They make the best friends.
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