Irrational Phobias & "Breakthroughs"

I have a lot of irrational phobias. I know they are irrational, so that makes me less crazy. :)

I've always had a fear of someone breaking into my house. Not really sure why. I frequently make Alex wake up and walk through the house at random times during the night to make sure no one is in our house. He's a sport about it.

But the most frustrating phobia I have stems from another one. The underlying problem is that I'm afraid of something bad happening to me. This seems to have intensified ever since I found out I was going to be a mother. I like to think this is a "normal" phobia. The irrational part is that I'm TERRIFIED to go anywhere by myself with my daughter. In the (almost) 12 months she's been here, I've taken her out solo MAYBE 4 times.

What am I afraid of? I'm afraid of being kidnapped (or her being kidnapped) or car-jacked, pretty much. The whole being-in-a-public place with her is fine, it's the getting-out-of-the-car-and-into-said-public place (and then the reverse action) that freaks me out. It's time consuming to get her strapped into her carseat. I feel extremely awkward and clumsy making the transition from stroller or cart to car. I just can't even EXPLAIN this phobia, it freaks me out so much.

It's a really embarassing phobia, I feel silly being afraid to take my daughter places. I think the only person who knows this fear is my husband. And he tells me I need to get over it. I agree - I really do.

A group of moms on a board that I belong to had a get-together at the Zoo last week. I really REALLY wanted to go. But I was super terrified - the Zoo is so busy and so far away (it seems!). Fortunately (???) my daughter slept in and we missed the opportunity to meet them. Luckily I didn't have to face my fear, or make up an excuse. :( I'm so lame.

Anyway, with our new schedule, I am home alone with Amelia Mondays and Fridays. Actually just Mondays...my mom is also off on Fridays and she likes to spend the day with us. So I'm home alone with Amelia on Mondays. I love my daughter, but it'd be nice to be able to take her places to make the day go by a little faster!

Today, I sort of faced my fear and took Amelia to Kohls. We were only gone about an hour, but baby steps. I survived. I still felt awkward and clumsy getting her into the car, but I'm sure it'll get easier.

At any rate, I had a small breakthrough. We'll see if it lasts. :)